Grief is inevitable, it is a part of life.
The more that we love, the more that we will come to know grief.
I know it well today. My good friend Terry died last night.
I miss her already.
I’ve shared Terry’s story with you recently. She had fought so long, but we thought she had finally got a foothold. We thought she was finally out of the woods. Oh was she happy to be home!
I was shocked when my daughters Briana and Makayla met me at my van as I pulled in my driveway after dark.
Briana said, “Mommy, Jonathan called…….he said Terry passed away.”
My heart sank, and my only thought was, “why didn’t I hug her the last time I saw her.”
Though I knew why. I didn’t hug her because I had muddy shoes on, and now I will never get another chance to hug her.
“Why didn’t I get over there more often,” was my next thought.
I know the answer to that question too. There was no excuse, I just got caught up in the busy life of raising kids and working long hours.
But it was more than that………
It had become very difficult for me to watch Terry fade away.
She would not use her oxygen, because she could not afford to pay her electric bill.
I kept telling her to, “have faith”, and “everything will work out”.
She just never seemed to feel worthy of having her needs met.
She was a sweet soul. Always ready to give a helping hand. She pulled up to my house last Christmas and made her poor son, John, drag a huge tree into my family room, making it a very special holiday.
She was the smiling face at the school everyday for the first couple rough years of the brand new Charter School that my children attend. Volunteering her time, she became a familiar and comforting face to all of the students at Volcano School of Arts and Sciences, now a thriving successful charter school.
We were a team, initiating an effort to start a Parent Teacher Organization at the school for the first time in it’s 7 year history. We succeeded!
Terry was the center of her three children’s world, even the 2 that were already grown.
Yet, Terry never felt worthy. She had a hard time accepting anything given. She would go out of her way, but refuse to let you do the same for her. (I had to insist!)
Terry died because she wouldn’t complain loud enough until it was too late.
She died because she wouldn’t use oxygen because it cost to much.
Death is a valid choice.
Sometimes it is what people choose. Each one of us has freedom of choice. We can’t make choices for our loved ones.
Mourning the loss of someone who never gave themselves the chance to shine is a very painful thing. If only….
How can you heal your grief?
- First off, make it a habit to hug everyone you love, every time you leave them. You may not get another chance.
- Express your emotions to someone.
- Plug into your community. There is joy, where there is relationship.
- Be active in online communities like Heart Failure Solutions
- Accept what happened, whatever that was. You will have peace when you find acceptance.
- Allow all the stages of grief.
Allowing the grieving process to bring about positive change is the best way to heal, and certainly what your loved one would want for you.
Try this acronym to remind yourself of all the nurturing you need each and every day.
BLESS yourself with nurturing and you will BLESS the whole world.
B Breathe
Discover how your breathing makes you sick and what you can do about it.
L Love
Learn how to navigate life from your heart space.
E Eat
Find out why not all food is medicine.
S Sit
The BLESS action plan really begins with cultivating stillness.
However, you will find it very difficult to be Still until you heal enough to face the fire within.
Sit upright in quiet stillness and find your inner strength.
S Speak
Sacred Breathing will give your Voice strength.
Share your story to give others hope!
Will Your Be the Next Blessed Life?
Become a member of the “Life Breath Club” today!
Click on the link below to learn more about member benefits.
Life Breath Club Member Benefits
This is a private membership to protect your medical privacy.
It’s FREE!
Many BLESSings,
Carrie Tucker, RCP
The Life Breath Coach
Heart Failure Solutions
PS– Remember everyday:
- Relax and Release tension
- Exhale Slowly
- Be active in a way that adds Joy to your life
Plus pure water ~whole foods~sunshine~and laughter
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Thanks for a great article! It is really helpful for those dealing with this issue!
Oh My Gosh!! (No, not the teen-comment we hear a lot of these days). First off- I’m really sorry for your loss. It’s sad, and I feel your sadness.
Second off, I felt just the same things two times before. Once after my dad died (either from heart failure or from diabetes)- I had talked w/ him by phone the night before he died. He didn’t sound too good, but still didn’t go to the doctor (I think he didn’t have health insurance, among other things), and the next day I found out that he passed… Then, there was my brother, who also died from diabetes/ perhaps heart failure (don’t know for sure). His was definitely a case of senseless death that didn’t have to be, mostly because he too didn’t have the resources nor the community to reach out to. “Terry died because she wouldn’t complain loud enough until it was too late.” Yeah, there’s too much of that going around. Thanks for bringing this up- we need to look out for ourselves, and not be afraid to look out for others for fear of being too intrusive (when we know that they need help!). Thanks!