How Do You Support Mourners Through the Stages of Grief?

Stages of Grief

Grief just is.  There is no right and wrong to it.  It just is.

Though there are many flavors of grief.

You are touched by it when a member of your community is struck down unexpectedly.

When you experience personal loss grief can swallow you whole.

Grief can surprise you.  Sometimes your emotions are unavailable to you for a while.  You need time to heal a bit before you can open them up.

Other times your emotions spill out and you are shocked by their intensity.

Grief feels like suffering, it’s hard to see it as healthy in anyway.

You just want it to stop.

Would you choose to stop the grief if it meant that you couldn’t remember your loved one?

Even in the early stages of grief when it’s rough to even breathe, erasing your precious memories would be far too high a price to pay.

When your pain is so raw you think it will kill you, hold on to the fact that time will eventually heal you so that you can remember and smile.

Time is definitely a friend to the grieving.

When you can think of your lost loved one and laugh and enjoy the memory, you know that Time is doing its job.

The grieving process is a very individual thing, but understanding that there really are common aspects to it can help you feel less crazy or to worry less about others who grieve differently than you do.

Do you see yourself somewhere in the process?

1. Denial and isolation.

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Turning the corner

6. Reconstruction

7. Acceptance and Hope

I wrote a post a while back that helps address the need to honor your grieving process no matter what it looks like and no matter how long it takes.  Click on the link below to view the post.

How long does it take to work through the Stages of Grief?

Supporting others through their grief can be as hard on you as your own.


Today I want to talk about casual grief.

Does the term “Casual Grief” feel wrong?

I mean, come on, what is casual about grief?

When you hear news that someone you know died, you are affected.

Whether you knew them very well or not, you feel the grief within the news being shared with you.

When the person who has passed is only a casual acquaintance grief is not nearly so devastating.  You are ready to move past it quickly.

The discomfort you feel is grief.

It’s easy to minimize, especially when you are among mourners who are suffering so much. You may not even acknowledge your grief other than to make a donation to the American Heart Association in their name.

Writing out that check to the AHA feels like a tribute.

It feels like the only thing you can do.

It feels like putting the discomfort behind you.

Bump into the loving family who has lost a mother, wife, sister, child, and you will be painfully aware of the discomfort again.

It’s hard to know how to support a mourner through the stages of grief, even if they are very close to you.  It’s much more difficult if you don’t know the grieving family very well.

Do you mention their lost loved one or are you careful not to?

For the most part, you make an effort not to.  But know that a happy memory can be very healing if you share when your heart calls you to.  Timing is always good, but please don’t let fear stop you from reaching out.

Whether your grief is new or old, allowing it expression is healing.

Sharing happy memories is a great way to express grief!

Do you know the power of a happy memory?

Find the courage to share one with someone grieving and watch the transformation it causes.

Another simple way to support a mourner is to just find some time to spend with them.  The relaxed comfort of friendly company can be very good for your soul.

You face many transitions in your life time.  You may grieve the loss of a job or marriage.  Maybe you’ll need to grieve lost youth.

Death is one transition that is painful for everyone involved.

The best you can do is be sensitive to the needs of others and hope for the support you need when it is your turn to mourn.

Do you have the courage to sit and visit with those who are hurting?

In my youth that was something I struggled with.  Working in a hospital setting for many years, I encountered grieving people as part of my job.

I learned that the only thing you can do is get still.

Be present.  There is nothing a mourner needs from you more than your presence.

Not to say that is necessarily easy to do, but that it is a worth while goal.

The restlessness that makes it hard to sit with someone else’s pain is hard to ignore.

Restlessness keeps you from being present now.

During times of crisis, you will need to draw on all your resources.  The time to nurture your silent strength is everyday.

Nurturing your strong presence is about creating better brain waves.

Make better brain waves and you will be happier and healthier.

When you are creating better brain waves, you much more easily nurture yourself and everyone around you.

Believe it or not, there is a short cut to creating Waking Delta Waves, the healthiest brain waves of all!

Give Holosync Meditation Technology a try, you will be amazed at how much peaceful healing energy it gives you.

Click on the link below and check out this amazing tool!

Healthy Brain Waves

Oh yes!  Holosync is a keeper!

Many blessings,

Carrie Tucker, RCP

The Life Breath Coach

Heart Failure Solutions


PS– Remember everyday:

  • Relax and Release tension
  • Exhale Slowly
  • Be active in a way that adds Joy to your life

Plus pure water ~whole foods~sunshine~and laughter


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4 thoughts on “How Do You Support Mourners Through the Stages of Grief?

  1. Hi Carrie
    Wow, you have covered so much here, could be 6 short posts expanding more fully on some of the things you raise.

    I think there are a couple of critical points and something that my work in grief and loss has reinforced for me:

    1) Eveyone who is grieving wants to have their loss acknowledged, even if people dont know what to say or do, just saying Ive been thinking about you, or giving them a gentle hug can mean so much.

    2) Sharing a happy memory of the person is like goldust to someone who has lost a precious loved one, dont hold back from giving the greatest gift you can.

    3) Whilst time does soften the pain, what we do with that time can help us in stepping through grief and finding meaning in our lives once more.

    I havent heard of Holosync Meditation, will have a look.

    Thanks for your great work Carrie – you are inspiring in what you do

    1. Aloha Maureen,
      Your comment is a gift! Thank you! I’d love to have you guest post anytime.

      Holosync is wonderful technology. When I lost my 4 legged best friend 5 years ago, it really helped me through my grief. My dog was such an important relationship in my life time. I’ll never have a better friend. Though I’ll never stop missing her, Holosync helped me to use the intense emotion I felt at her loss to propel me into greater service in my life.

      Sounds like your wisdom around grief is something the world needs!

      To my readers: click on Maureen Hunter’s last blog for help with processing your grief. Processing grief is one of the most important Heart Failure Solutions you will require in your life time. Unprocessed emotions are so very harmful!

      Thanks again, Maureen!

      Many blessings,

  2. I lost my Mom 2.5 years ago. I would say I went through all of those stages. I think how fast people go through those stages differ by person. And that is ok. Everytime I have a really bad day, or a new reaction to something that hurts, I keep in mind that it is all healthy.

    When I first lost her, I used to blog to her. But it upset my family too much. They couldn’t realize it as a healthy outlet, they thought I “wasn’t getting over it” so I stopped. It’s ok. I healed in other ways.

    I really enjoyed the post. My favorite was this: PS– Remember everyday:

    1.Relax and Release tension
    2.Take deeep breaths
    3. Be active in a way that adds joy to your life

    1. Bless You Melissa,

      I hope that you will continue to write to your mom. Your blog is a healthy outlet. Though if you don’t want to upset those you love who loved her, then no need to share it with them, or anyone else really. It will still be healing. I’m sure you talk to her all the time. Writing may take that healing to a much deeper level. I find that intuition always seems to know the very best way to process and heal.

      So glad my repetitive PS was such a big help to you. Don’t forget the *pure water, whole foods, sunshine and laughter. I’ve been thinking I need to add Castor Oil to that magic formula. I feel such a big difference no matter why I feel sore and achy. Sometimes emotions cause some back log in the work load for your body. Castor Oil is wonderful gentle detox. Just don’t use more than 1/4 tsp when you first get started.

      Hope to see you here again soon!
      Be well,

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