Grief just is. There is no right and wrong to it. It just is.
Though there are many flavors of grief.
You are touched by it when a member of your community is struck down unexpectedly.
When you experience personal loss grief can swallow you whole.
Grief can surprise you. Sometimes your emotions are unavailable to you for a while. You need time to heal a bit before you can open them up.
Other times your emotions spill out and you are shocked by their intensity.
Grief feels like suffering, it’s hard to see it as healthy in anyway.
You just want it to stop.
Would you choose to stop the grief if it meant that you couldn’t remember your loved one?
Even in the early stages of grief when it’s rough to even breathe, erasing your precious memories would be far too high a price to pay.
When your pain is so raw you think it will kill you, hold on to the fact that time will eventually heal you so that you can remember and smile.
Time is definitely a friend to the grieving.
When you can think of your lost loved one and laugh and enjoy the memory, you know that Time is doing its job.
The grieving process is a very individual thing, but understanding that there really are common aspects to it can help you feel less crazy or to worry less about others who grieve differently than you do.
Do you see yourself somewhere in the process?
1. Denial and isolation.
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Turning the corner
6. Reconstruction
7. Acceptance and Hope
I wrote a post a while back that helps address the need to honor your grieving process no matter what it looks like and no matter how long it takes. Click on the link below to view the post.
How long does it take to work through the Stages of Grief?
Supporting others through their grief can be as hard on you as your own.
Today I want to talk about casual grief.
Does the term “Casual Grief” feel wrong?
I mean, come on, what is casual about grief?
When you hear news that someone you know died, you are affected.
Whether you knew them very well or not, you feel the grief within the news being shared with you.
When the person who has passed is only a casual acquaintance grief is not nearly so devastating. You are ready to move past it quickly.
The discomfort you feel is grief.
It’s easy to minimize, especially when you are among mourners who are suffering so much. You may not even acknowledge your grief other than to make a donation to the American Heart Association in their name.
Writing out that check to the AHA feels like a tribute.
It feels like the only thing you can do.
It feels like putting the discomfort behind you.
Bump into the loving family who has lost a mother, wife, sister, child, and you will be painfully aware of the discomfort again.
It’s hard to know how to support a mourner through the stages of grief, even if they are very close to you. It’s much more difficult if you don’t know the grieving family very well.
Do you mention their lost loved one or are you careful not to?
For the most part, you make an effort not to. But know that a happy memory can be very healing if you share when your heart calls you to. Timing is always good, but please don’t let fear stop you from reaching out.
Whether your grief is new or old, allowing it expression is healing.
Sharing happy memories is a great way to express grief!
Do you know the power of a happy memory?
Find the courage to share one with someone grieving and watch the transformation it causes.
Another simple way to support a mourner is to just find some time to spend with them. The relaxed comfort of friendly company can be very good for your soul.
You face many transitions in your life time. You may grieve the loss of a job or marriage. Maybe you’ll need to grieve lost youth.
Death is one transition that is painful for everyone involved.
The best you can do is be sensitive to the needs of others and hope for the support you need when it is your turn to mourn.
Do you have the courage to sit and visit with those who are hurting?
In my youth that was something I struggled with. Working in a hospital setting for many years, I encountered grieving people as part of my job.
I learned that the only thing you can do is get still.
Be present. There is nothing a mourner needs from you more than your presence.
Not to say that is necessarily easy to do, but that it is a worth while goal.
The restlessness that makes it hard to sit with someone else’s pain is hard to ignore.
Restlessness keeps you from being present now.
During times of crisis, you will need to draw on all your resources. The time to nurture your silent strength is everyday.
Nurturing your strong presence is about creating better brain waves.
Make better brain waves and you will be happier and healthier.
When you are creating better brain waves, you much more easily nurture yourself and everyone around you.
Believe it or not, there is a short cut to creating Waking Delta Waves, the healthiest brain waves of all!
Give Holosync Meditation Technology a try, you will be amazed at how much peaceful healing energy it gives you.
Click on the link below and check out this amazing tool!
Oh yes! Holosync is a keeper!
Many blessings,
Carrie Tucker, RCP
The Life Breath Coach
Heart Failure Solutions
PS– Remember everyday:
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Relax and Release tension
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Exhale Slowly
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Be active in a way that adds Joy to your life
Plus pure water ~whole foods~sunshine~and laughter
